The Soulful Artist

Life. Art. Transcendence.

Waiting to exhale.

Day 25 of My 30 Days of Creativity Challenge.

Ever notice sometimes that you’re holding your breath? You feel as if the other shoe is gonna drop? Or feel, I dunno … like things are too good and it’s an “ominous sign?”

My one swipe painting reminded me of this. Of someone looking for forgiveness. Or someone waiting to exhale.

For years, when I was young, I felt as if I couldn’t exhale. I’ve always been a happy person, but others felt intimidated (?) or threatened by my happiness and would find some way to make me feel bad. That caused me to shrink and feel as if I always had no reason to demonstrate my happiness. I even remember someone, some girl in one of my classes in high school, ask me, “What are you always smiling about?” She didn’t ask it as a question, she asked it in a way that was sarcastic and snotty, as if by my smiling threatened her. But I didn’t know better then, so I stopped smiling and even felt as if I walked with my shoulders slumped. I let the words of a few people affect me.

Made no sense. I was so bothered by these people’s thoughts that had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. It took me a couple years, lots of soul searching and lots of conversations with spiritual mentors to figure this out.

And … I exhaled. Ex-fucking-haled. I took my power back and my life changed.

If you’re waiting to exhale, I give you permission to let your breath out. You’re not bound. You owe no one anything. You owe yourself everything to get out of your own way and to live a life that is true to you.

Breathe. Forgive yourself.

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