I’ve always felt self-conscious about letting people see the “real” me. I grew up in a household where appearances were everything to my mother, and I mean EVE-RY-THING. I learned to live hidden, stuffed down, shut up. You know, don’t do anything to show people how you’re really messed up, just keep your mouth shut and don’t say a word for fear it will be the wrong thing to have said. I know that this has a lot to do with why I prefer to stay out of social situations because wearing a mask and pretending to be someone I wasn’t was VERY challenging for me. Keeping my mouth shut when you’re a child is challenging, you know? It wasn’t me. It was painful.
I found this collage I made in an old art journal of mine. I put it together because I loved the expression on the face, I love the spiritual significance of the Monarch butterfly, Monet’s painting, and I love, Love, LOVE angels and hearts. I didn’t really think much of why I put these all together except for the fact that I liked all of it and it brought me joy!
I always say that my art, my creations are really the works of my Soul. It’s my Soul at play, so of course it has nothing to do with me, yet it has EVERYTHING to do with me! It made perfect sense as I did a double take when I saw it in my art journal years later.
Wearing a mask, transforming, healing, love, divine guidance and protection … such a huge “Ah-ha!” revelation! My Spirit ALWAYS knows, but at times I’m too preoccupied to pay attention! My little collage delivered quite the message today! So revelatory for me! When I found it, I felt joy all the way deep down to my core!
I’ve done a lot of healing work in the last 20 to 30 years. Lots of forgiveness. Lots of releasing. Every now and then there will be a trigger. I know that there will always be a trigger, but I don’t react to them anymore. I’m not perfect, I’m FAR from, and there is healing work still needing to be done, but I try. I get it. I’m not the same person that I was 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, or even last year. I’ve had to really look at my own self and forgive my own self. That’s been the most difficult. Self-love. Self-forgiveness.
We owe it to ourselves to be kind to our human self. This being human thing isn’t easy. There is so much to learn, to take in, to absorb, to transmute, to process. Every day is different. Every human is different. It’s easy to forget that we owe ourselves the grace and love that we would extend to another. We are worthy of receiving that from ourselves because we know that God/The Universe/our own Soul would extend it to us!
Breathe and know that our Soul’s know exactly what their doing. Breathe and know that our Soul is ALWAYS leaving us clues, we must just be awake and aware enough to see them, to align with them. The best way to allow for this alignment is to do something creative – paint, journal, movement/exercise, sing, write, garden, however you want to express yourself creatively. There is a meditative property in the act of creating that can open you up to feeling into the clues it’s attempting to leave you!
Take the time. Take the time to tap into your inner self, that part of you they is your Highest Best Self. Slow yourself down enough to tap in. Breathe. Get lost in the activity. Secret hint: Spirit loves to PLAY! So laugh it up, smile, and invoke that inner child to come out and play! Enjoy the process!